A Herd of Narcissists, Part 3

In Part 1 of this series, I wrote about the connection between shame and narcissism. In Part 2, I looked at narcissists’ belief that they are special and unique people. In this final section, I will be looking at their belief that they are better than others: the “others” in this case being you and I, the users of Canada’s healthcare system.

If you read Parts 1 and 2, you will know that I’m taking some of the basic tenets of narcissism and applying them to my experiences. I’m doing so because of the high level of frustration I felt trying to get reasonable care for my 77 year-old mother. I chose narcissism because anyone who has tried to negotiate with a narcissist–essentially a self-absorbed person–will understand the difficulties I’m describing. The self-absorbed are those who will only engage with others when it benefits them in some way.

The Canadian healthcare system, in some regions, offers several variations on this theme.

In general, I find that many healthcare workers have a lot of confidence and it comes from their basic understanding of supply and demand. Their scarcity gives them the upper-hand and they know it. Two predominant factors make up this issue: there [...] continue the story

A Herd of Narcissists, Part 1

I’ve touched on the issue of shame twice now in recent articles. It’s because I believe it is a powerful tool for both good and evil.

When I refer to shame as a tool I mean that the evocation of it, whether self-generated or externally prompted, often triggers one of two responses: a self-correcting mechanism (I won’t do that again) or a self-corrosive mechanism (I’m no good). Brené Brown differentiates between guilt and shame by saying that guilt is attached to our actions while shame is attached to our identity. It’s the difference between doing wrong (Ooops) and being wrong (I’m such an idiot).

I sometimes experience a helpful form of shame when I drive carelessly, and my desire to avoid that feeling is probably what keeps me from doing it too often. On the other hand, being unfairly targeted or thrown into a bewildering conflict seems to evoke a different kind of shame. I’m talking about those times when I’m being treated as the source of a problem instead of just part of it.

Here’s an example: Driving to work one morning, I inadvertently swerved into a neighbouring lane on a one-way street. I corrected myself immediately, but another driver, who was behind me and in that lane, [...] continue the story

Living and Dying in Wait

In Quebec in 2008, the average wait time for the elderly infirm to get permanent placement in a public long-term care home is about a year. Temporary placements are sometimes available to patients coming from hospitals, but the families often have little or no say about where the patients get sent. Sometimes they die waiting.