By Michelle Lemme
Awake at 5:00 a.m., the “witching” hour, when I am most consumed with ruminating thoughts about my daughter, SA. I do everything in my power to stay in the present moment, but I am unable to find the calm that almost always come when I do my diaphragmatic breathing. I pray, but am not sure what it is that will bring me relief…I love my adult child, she needs help and I cannot provide her with what she needs. Our situation, after nearly 8 months apart, has not improved. I am not yet strong enough to have her in my life, it is simply too risky and my husband and other daughter are terrified that I will descend into the depths of hell again if our interactions continue.
In late November, after nearly 8 months of virtually no contact with each other (see Into the Darkness), my daughter and I reunited. We met at my therapist’s (Marlene) office. For the better part of an hour, Marlene spoke with SA about my illness and the impact that our relationship has on my psyche. Marlene was brilliant; there was no finger pointing, no blame or shame. Sarah and I held hands and [...] continue the story