Big Red Bow

By Kristen Knott

Written @ 7:30 am  December 24, 2013

I lie here quietly trying not to disrupt my husband as he sleeps beside me. It is Christmas Eve day and the house remains quiet. The day will be filled with anticipation, excitement and preparation for Christmas tomorrow.

It doesn’t feel truly like Christmas to me yet however. Hoping the day will bring that magical feeling of contentment and joy that I equate with holiday spirit.

My energy is coming back as is my hair. I have fuzz growing all over my bald head. I am starting to feel a little like the old me. In fact I slip back into my old ways of wanting to conquer the world in a day and then fatigue snaps me back into place. I then succumb to being still and slowing down.

My brain is still quite foggy, I have to really concentrate and focus. The kids are all too familiar with my forgetfulness and my youngest says, ‘oh mommy it’s that chemo brain again isn’t it?’  Amazing how we have all just got used to my bald presence, my ever-changing moods, from weepy to impatience to very raw and messy moments.

I thank my family for loving me [...] continue the story

Hibernation

By Kristen Knott

Written @ 5:30 am  December 5, 2013

I am on day 15 of 21, this being my last chemo cycle and it feels like time has slowed to a crawl. Life is in slow motion. I yearn for the day that presents itself with no side effects. I feel as if my body is preparing for hibernation.

My fingers and toe nails feel as if they could peel off at any given moment. You can see the discolouration and pooling of what I imagine is or was chemo in my nail beds. My lips still feel swollen and my mouth is driving me crazy. As a foodie, I live to eat and it is disheartening when everything I eat tastes off. I find myself eating things just to try and get a different taste in my mouth. I yearn for even a short reprieve from the mucous metallic taste that overrides my taste buds.

My eyes have begun to weep non stop and the result is swollen red and dry eyes that hurt to the touch. I secretly believe this side effect is almost cathartic as I am overwhelmed by emotions daily and can cry at the drop of a hat. [...] continue the story

A wounded Parkinson’s soldier

November 28, 2011

I don’t quite know where to start. I always want to be respectful to MrP. He’s a good man. He’s a human being and I like human beings, generally. I think most are pretty damned fine people. MrP is doing brilliantly at work. Most people see him handling this Parkinson’s thing brilliantly. Hats off to him, big respect.

There is just one fly in the ointment. He is very angry. With me. Few people see this. His paranoia has come back in droves. He suspects I am having an affair, if not several of them. My emails and phone texts are all found to have meanings in them. He looks at them alot. He thinks I lie to him. My work twitter is apparently in code. (I have stopped tweeting. I love talking to people in my work community, they are great fun and just like a good natter, but it distresses him too much. MrP’s closest friend suggests I carry on, but I don’t like the arguments it can cause.) He has seen me do things twice, that I know of, that I have not done.

He is angry that I am not a doting, loving wife. Yet how [...] continue the story

2011 Facing Us Video Contest Winner

Melanie Oldham’s video won her first place in the 2011 Facing Us Video Contest! Watch her story of hope and recovery.

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