How to Be?

By Kristen Knott

Written February 2, 2014

Now a month into 2014 and the hair on my head is slowly coming back, my eyebrows are reappearing, and I can even see some eyelashes growing. It will probably be another month until I can ditch the wig, hat and scarves. My energy is quite good during the day, in fact at times I feel like the old me, the me before cancer. Yet the evening comes and I am smothered in fatigue again.

I look around my house and I see the differences, they are likely subtle to others, but to me they are profound. The one room that has completely been ignored is my office, as it hadn’t been addressed since the spring. Mail has piled up and needs filing, calendars still read May 2013 and the Juravinski patient handouts were frontline and center on my desk. The room looks like time stopped when I was diagnosed June 6th. I slowly organize the clutter and discard the one-inch thick “welcome to chemotherapy booklet “ that lists all the side effect information that I needed during my August to December therapy. It feels odd throwing it out, yet a part of me feels like [...] continue the story

Blueprint for a Cancer Free Life?

By Kristen Knott

Written January 4, 2014

I have spent the last few days with my nose in a book. This is not unlike me as I have always been a bit of a bulimic reader. I can lose myself in a good book and ignore the world around me and then when I am done I need some time before I can commit to losing myself in another. The binge/purge cycle ensues. I enjoy marinating in what I have just read, especially when it involves an intriguing character or new world, or country. I felt ready to read about cancer, or better put, books on how to keep cancer at bay. What is different about reading these books is that they have not provided me with that feeling of satisfaction or sense of escape, in fact they have left me unsettled.

Clearly there is not a simple blueprint for remaining cancer free and there seems to be a plethora of experts on living a cancer free life. (I am also learning that even people in my life have advice on warding off cancer.) What I truly know though is that being healthy, truly healthy that is, will be a life changing endeavor [...] continue the story