By Ben Davies

In this article I am going to explore the morality of paying for the company of a female or indeed male if you are a disabled person.

But first I am going to talk about relationships and the potential barriers I feel exist as a disabled person. I personally really struggle with relationships and socialising full stop, whether it’s going the pub with the boys or chatting someone up. I simply cannot do it as my confidence in this area is really low. Overall I’m ok with the boys as we talk about football and drinking, the usual stuff. But when it comes to the ladies, this is where I really struggle.

When I meet a woman I’m attracted to, I know instantly whether they are seeing me or the four wheels I’m sitting on. In my experience a lot see the wheelchair and feel uncomfortable when I start checking them out, just like any other bloke would. Then I have the added barrier of impaired speech so if I do pluck up the courage to speak to them, I get the look that says something like ‘you’re in a wheelchair and you can’t speak properly so piss off.’

The speech is of course made worse when I’ve had a few drinks so what chance does a disabled person really have of finding a female companion in a pub, bar or club? To be honest the chances are really low. And then of course you’re able bodied mate then snogs the face off the girl you have had your eyes on all night and this one has been paying you a bit of attention more out of pity than anything else.

However there are plenty of girls out there who do see past the disability and see you for who you are (Wait a minute isn’t that a Jessie J song?) The trouble with me is because of my confidence issue people have to really get to know me. If they don’t take that time they think I’m an arsehole (I would too if I were them). I’m often told that I’m a bit full on with girls that pay me attention and that I get the wrong idea. I disagree with this because I think that if you knew me as a person and understood the struggles some disabled people go through when trying to find a girlfriend perhaps you wouldn’t be so judgemental. Ok I have my faults but I think I’m an alright guy if you get to know me.

Given this, there are two possible options to find a girlfriend, online dating sites such as match.com or disability dating sites such as disableddate.com. The question with disabled dating sites is should a disabled person date a disabled person? A lot of people would say yes as its square pegs in square holes right a perfect fit right? My answer would be why? You can’t help who you fall in love with and if that’s a disabled person then fair play but at the same time, you could be settling for second best just because people think you are a better fit. Why can’t a disabled person sign up to match.com and fall in love with an abled bodied girl so that the square pegs fit the round holes?

Personally I haven’t ruled out a relationship with a disabled girl but I’m really looking for an able bodied girl. I have explored the world of online dating and it’s not really something I’m interested in as I prefer to see what’s on offer first hand so to speak, which is why I plan in the very near future to explore the world of meetup.com and citysocialising.com but until my recent trip stateside I didn’t feel I had the confidence to do so.

Everyone knows what happened in Vegas aside from the crazy pool party adventure of course. Was it morally right to pay for sex so or was it just amoral and exploiting women simply to get a quick thrill? You may also think sleeping with women for money is simply treating them as a sexual objects rather than human beings.

Because of my previous struggles in finding a girlfriend and with my low confidence and self-esteem I needed to discover my last taboo. I have my own flat, live completely independently, work full time and have my circle of male friends, so finding someone to share my future with really is my last taboo. After all, there are a lot of disabled people who don’t get the opportunity to date or sleep with the woman of their dreams.

Sex in Vegas is freely available and easy to come by. The girls are either lap dancers in strip clubs or prostitutes or both. They do it to make a better life for themselves. A lot have children or are in debt and do it for the short term.

I don’t think that it’s moral or amoral to sleep with a prostitute. If both parties are happy to exchange money for sex, then what’s the issue? It’s simply a business transaction which suits both parties. I get to discover my last taboo which will give me the confidence to attend meet up groups and she gets money for her daughter. Plus even if I had confidence with the ladies I’m not sure I would ever sleep with anyone as attractive as Jennifer was.

When I asked Jennifer why she went all the way with me and didn’t stop at the strip club she said ‘because I like to give people like you the opportunity to experience something they wouldn’t normally experience’ and so Jennifer helped me discover my last taboo.

I don’t condone or encourage what I did and I didn’t go looking for it, but as a disabled person I just want to live my life to the full and Jennifer gave me the confidence to do that.

This article first appeared in Disability Horizons, dedicated to creating a positive, interesting and useful disability related magazine with articles and resources to help disabled people achieve whatever they wish.

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