Freaky stuff, right? Scary, awful, heartbreaking, frustrating, I get it totally and sadly I understand. I am so sorry that others have to deal with this. I would never want another person to hear the words………….Cancer. I found the lump in my breast the day our precious son was born, March 16th, 2009. He came 6 weeks early, maybe to save Mommy’s life, at least that is how we look at it. My little angel that keeps me so busy and actually sane, luckily.
The surgery results showed the cancer did not spread to my lymph nodes. Because I have HER2 positive cancer, I had to go to Washington State for a PET/CT scan of my body as an ultrasound had also found spots on my liver and right kidney. I am clear, no more surgeries. Although those first weeks are definitely a haze (especially with a newborn), I recall the fear and anger more than anything. My anger was mostly the time it was taking from the baby (the miracle baby we were told we couldn’t have). I shuffled from test to test in tears as he lay in the upstairs nursery of the same hospital too premature to come home yet. I did my best to keep good thoughts and focus on the love around me.
I have had 5 treatments so far and go Tuesday (September 8th 2009) for the 6th one. Next step, radiation.
I have had amazing care here. Since our son was so early he had to be hospitalized for 17 days. During that time, they diagnosed me, removed it and got me my oncologist. I have one an amazing Oncologist Dr Klimo and I feel so blessed. The care I have received to date has been beyond amazing. I hope that everyone has that same experience.
I lost my hair on June 13th and had to really brace myself. For me that was devastating. I was so worried that people would know and pity me. Now that it is over though, it has been okay. REALLY!! I had hair ½ way down my back, so I bobbed it off to attend my little sister’s wedding and try a style I had long wanted to try (which was fun!).
Once it started to fall out, my husband shaved it for me while my little sister and brother-in-law held my hand. I keep those that I love close by to let them help and feel a part of my recovery. They are as scared as I am and seeing that I am okay helps them as well. It is amazing how many people have supported me and how much love I feel. I am sad I didn’t recognize the number of people that loved me before this, now I know. If anything, feeling that support is such an amazing gift through all of this.
My advice to those diagnosed with anything scary is to please take someone to all of the appointments, you will only hear a small amount. I know that was so helpful for me to have my husband always at my side. Please be careful what you read, don’t freak yourself out. Your cancer is yours. Your body will react in its own way and so will your cancer. Your first chemo treatment you will see the number of people that are facing it head on just like we are. Speak to them as well, and find out about their lives. It might help you a bit.
Stay strong and cry if you need to. We will all look back on this experience and know that we are stronger now and can take on anything!
Above all hug your children, hug those that love you and keep positive.