Wherein I attempt to make light of my cancer

Note: I was diagnosed with cancer in 2008. As I approach my ‘cancerveresary’, I decided to bring this piece back from the dead, with some slight adjustments.My cancer was so easy that I got embarrassed telling people I had cancer; depending on their sensitivity and sobriety levels, they immediately said something along the lines of OMG ARE YOU OKAY/ARE YOU GONNA DIE? The easiest way to deal with this was to say: Calm it, bitch, I ain’t even gon’ lose my hair. Now that I think about it though, it may have been an upside to lose my hair because a. I could wear a sweet blond wig and b. I could find out what my true hair color is! (Never dye your hair, kids, don’t do it.)

The upsides of cancer aren’t spoken about often, but they definitely exist. I was lucky to have cancer during my birthday season. (My birthday deserved a season. I had cancer.) And boy, did the extra gifts pour in. I received no empty Happy Birthday cards that year; even distant relatives stashed a $5 bill in there! And we all know that opening a card without cash in it is is one of the [...] continue the story

A friend lost

I learned today that I lost a friend. We weren’t close friends… we’ve had drinks together at parties… he was more of my friend’s friend… people thought that we should be friends, and tried to get us to be friends because what we had in common was that we were both law school cancer survivors, and then young lawyers dealing with cancer. I think for this very reason we didn’t actually become friends. Because it seemed like we were supposed to have this connection… but in real life, when you are with your friends, and hanging out… that isn’t necessarily what you want your connection to be. Like so many things, I don’t know if that makes sense.

I think its the same reason why I’m no good at support groups. Why I can’t seem to muster the motivation to go to a cancer summit… talk one on one, or face to face with people. I don’t like this world in my real world.

And yet, even keeping distance between us… I find that I am still hurt, that apparently there was this connection… a silent acknowledgment that someone else had a general idea of what you were dealing with… even if [...] continue the story